Setting boundaries is truly an art form. It’s about understanding yourself, your triggers, and how to communicate them to someone else. Piece of cake right? However, in order to maintain healthy relationships they are non-negotiable. Once you set those boundaries, what happens next?

How many times does someone have the opportunity to correct the behavior before you choose a way to enforce those boundaries. Sure, we don’t have to stop speaking to everyone should they step a toe out of line. But if someone ignores you and continues, what do you do?

Crossing Boundaries

Personally, I find each situation requires quiet reflection. Those who try and may mess up but are making an effort I am always happy to find patience for. But when a person does not care, for whatever reason they may have, it feels different. Uncomfortable or icky and to put it bluntly, you deserve better.

Currently, I do not have a relationship with my mother because my boundaries were violated too many times. I opened up to my husband and sat quietly before coming to my decision. Now I know there are people out there saying “but you only get one mom/but she’s your mother you have to…” but the truth is I don’t. You don’t.

While I do of course love my mother, but no matter the title she holds to me I refuse to let her violate the boundaries I’ve set. We don’t owe an explanation to anyone beyond what we are comfortable sharing. It’s a simple “please don’t do that. It makes me uncomfortable.” Especially with delicate matters like abuse. You should not need to share your trauma in order for someone else to decide they will honor your request. I don’t mean clarification, that’s more like, “I’m not sure I understand, was it my tone that made you feel that way?” As opposed to “well why? I say it all the time.”

Keep in mind…

Say your boundaries as clearly as you can. It’s important to reinforce your boundaries and be consistent with them. Gentle reminders for those that are making an effort are absolutely okay. At the end of that day, it is entirely up to you what your boundaries are and how to effectively communicate them. However, they are necessary for your mental and emotional health. Boundaries can be placed in so many areas such as physical, emotional, sexual, and work relationships.

While honoring your own boundaries let’s make sure not to forget about the other’s people have in place. We know boundaries can conflict. For example, if one person may love to hug and the other person may not like to be touched. Have an open dialogue to decide how to move forward where everyone is comfortable. Communication is the key to strong boundaries no matter what kind of relationship it may be.

If you need help figuring out what your boundaries are or how to effectively communicate them, do not hesitate to reach out to me. I am happy to coach you through it and provide the confidence in knowing yourself and where you stand.